New Candidate for History Wows Panel
Above: Jaclyn Tyndale is an unusually talented candidate.
Originally printed in "The Discord"
Faculty, students, and staff that attended the Wednesday interview with Early Christian History Candidate Jaclyn Tyndale were given a special treat when she informed those gathered in the Auxillary Dining Room that she could transcend space and time. While her academic work was admittedly lacking, her ability to travel through space in time was seen as a "major plus" on her resumé. In her opening remarks, Ms. Tyndale focused on the ability to transcend space and time more than her other qualities. "Seriously people, what better skill for a history professor to have than the ability to transcend space and time? If you've got a question about something historical, just ask. I'll go check it out and be back in a jiff with the answer. Usually, I can get the answer before you even noticed that I've exited and reentered the space time continuum. It's totally sweet, and I think students will get a kick out of it."
She earned some instant admirers among current faculty, especially a gushing Mark Throntveit. "Ms. Tyndale, I think you have what it takes to make it at Luther as a faculty member!” he remarked. "I know I've wanted to transcend space and time quite a few times on this campus: Faculty meetings, discipleship meetings, walking to and from meetings, going to class, teaching class...these are things I could do without. I think you're on to something."
Others in the faculty voiced frustration at the candidate's uncanny abilities. There were some critical voices during the community Q and A. Professor Paulson in particular demanded doctrinal answers, and dismissed any non-divine, non-historical entity as "pig feces." However, most of those in attendance at the early morning meeting used the opportunity to ask questions that only someone who could transcend space and time could answer. Did Peter really die in Rome? How many fish were really in the net as a result of the magnificent catch? When did Luther first discover the gospel? Who shot JFK? What flavor ice cream did I eat last night? (Sponheim). Will the Vikings ever win a SuperBowl? (MDiv Junior) However, second year professor Matthew Skinner was the only brainiac in attendance able to finally stump candidate Tyndale when he asked the so-called "space time traveler" what number he was thinking of. "That's really not what I do," replied the red-faced candidate, squirming in her chair!
Even though Professor Skinner proved that Ms. Tyndale can't answer every question, it was obvious that she had the skills to take this seminary to the next level. Outgoing President David Tiede in a candid interview shortly after the meeting told this reporter, "I believe that her ability to transcend space and time can only benefit our community. It also means that in the virtual cold war that is the theological academy of the 21st century, we've got a virtual H-Bomb in Ms. Tyndale. I think this puts us over the top" He concluded by adding, "I wish could transcend space and time."
We all do, President Tiede. We all do.