Top Ten Signs Your Seminary President Is Retiring
Originally Published in "The Discord."
10. Caught carving his initials into pews in Chapel of the Cross.
9. When he leaves the cafeteria for lunch meetings always takes silverware with him.
8. Every night after work, he’s seen stuffing duffle bags with Luther Seminary towels and washcloths. [Ron Olson in Admissions is “not having it.”]
7. Starts openly quoting raunchy television and movie lines at faculty meetings, just to get a rise out of people.
6. Overspending the seminary budget, ordering personalized "DT" gold-plated pens, ashtrays, and silk bathrobes.
5. Answers the telephone referring to himself as Rick James.
4. Cancels all afternoon meetings in order to watch "his" soaps.
3. Stuffs campus PO's with notes saying "You're Fired," signed President David Tiede.
2. Comes to work with one side of his face painted blue and wearing a kilt, demanding that the rival clans of Luther Seminary unite and fight for freedom from the English Oppressors.
1. Reveals that he has always wanted to write for The Death Mask.